When attending a funeral service or memorial service, it’s often difficult to know what to say. You want to express comfort and show support, but you’re also worried about saying the wrong thing. That’s why we’ve created this guide on the right things to say at a funeral. Even a few kind words can bring comfort and make a lasting difference.
How a Few Kind Words Make a World of Difference
- Simple, Sincere Words Matter: Phrases like “I’m sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you” can offer genuine comfort.
- Presence is Powerful: A silent hug, handshake, or simply being there can mean more than words.
- Avoid Well-Meaning But Hurtful Phrases: Comments like “They’re in a better place” or “I know how you feel” can feel dismissive.
- Support Goes Beyond the Service: Offering help and following up later shows lasting care and compassion.
Why Words Matter at a Funeral
A grieving person is experiencing a profoundly emotional experience. The right words can comfort and remind the bereaved person that they’re not alone. Your spoken words, presence, and body language will help those individuals in their time of loss.
Simple, supportive phrases that help:
You don’t need to have all the answers. Most of the time, a heartfelt, more personal message is more impactful than anything else.
Here are some things you can say at a funeral that will offer genuine support:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
This phrase is always appreciated as a timeless way of offering condolences:
- “They were a wonderful friend. I’ll miss them dearly.”
Highlighting the deceased person’s character and sharing a fond memory helps the family members feel seen in their grief. If time allows, share a positive story of the deceased. Family members love hearing stories about their loved one who has passed and want to know their loved one’s memory will live on through others.
- “You and your family are in my thoughts.”
This reminds the bereaved person that they are surrounded by a caring support system. Knowing the family members’ belief system may make you feel more comfortable offering prayers.
- “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
This sentiment carries more meaning when paired with a follow-up in the weeks after the service—something our team always encourages. Consider reaching out to the bereaved a week or month after the services to see how you can support them following the death of their loved one.
- “There are no words, but I’m here for you.”
Sometimes, the most comforting statement is acknowledging that grief is too deep for words.
Even a warm handshake or silent presence can communicate your deepest sympathies when words feel inadequate.
What to Avoid Saying
Despite the best intentions, certain phrases may unintentionally cause more harm. Be mindful to avoid the following phrases in response to a person’s grief.
- “They’re in a better place.”
While meant to comfort, this may not align with the grieving person’s beliefs and can come
across as dismissive.
- “I know how you feel.”
Every person’s own grief is different. Instead, focus on listening.
- “At least they lived a long life.”
Even after a full life, losing a loved one still causes pain that deserves space and validation.
When You Don’t Know What to Say
If you’re unsure what to say, that’s completely normal. Just being there—offering condolences through a hug, a nod, or sitting quietly—can speak volumes. Your body language and a sincere
“I’m here for you” might mean more than any words.
Sometimes, the most comforting thing is to help someone outwardly express emotion in a safe space. Encourage the sharing of fond memories or simply acknowledge the depth of their pain without trying to fix it.
Your kind words and gentle presence can make all the difference in times of loss. Your encouraging words and being part of the support system can help the bereaved person begin to heal.
At Smart Cremation, we’re not only a direct cremation provider. We’re here to offer support to families before, during, and after the loss of a loved one. Whether you’re preplanning or need guidance after a loss, our team will walk beside you with compassion and care.
